


a trollian log

by seademons



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 09:29:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seademons/pseuds/seademons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>so i realized eridan and sollux have never actually trolled each other so i thought about doing them some justice and writing this</p>
            </blockquote>





	a trollian log

\--caligolasAquarium [CA] began trolling twinArmaggedons [TA]--   
CA: sol  
TA: what?  
TA: why are you even talkiing two me?  
CA: shush ivve got the stand  
CA: i havve a question and its important so pay attention and dont bash on me just hear me out  
TA: bye.  
CA: SOL PAY ATTENTION   
CA: i wwouldnt be doin this but fef made me i mean she wwas to do it herself but shes busy and laid the burden on me so wwhatevver i took it like the prince fuckin charmin i naturally am  
TA: oh my god ju2t get two the fuckiing poiint.  
TA: ii cant 2tand 2tariing at your 2tupiid purple word2 and thii2 ju2t remiinded me why we dont talk.  
TA: iit2 not a thiing we do.  
TA: ever.  
TA: and thii2 ii2 why.  
CA: shut up for twwo fuckin seconds you dirtscrappin land anathema  
CA: so fef wwants you to come swwimmin wwith us  
CA: its ok to say no if youre busy or anythin or not   
TA: 2he want2 me two do WHAT.  
TA: are you fuckiing 2eriiou2? why would ii ever want two go? je2u2 chrii2t 2he2 lo2t iit for real thii2 tiime.  
TA: ii mean reel.  
TA: no ii fuckiing dont.  
CA: oh too bad then later  
TA: WAIIT.  
CA: wwhat  
TA: where are you even goiing 2wiimmiing?  
TA: you diidnt 2ay jack ju2t one noun and were already expectiing me not two go well thiink agaiin dumba22. maybe ii WIILL go.  
TA: you have no way of knowiing yet fii2h braiin2.  
CA: its a vvery unpleasant lieu full a dashin seadwwellers germanely apt a jeerin at peasant bloodline passerbys  
TA: 2ound2 liike an aglomeratiion of iidiiot2.  
CA: you havve no idea too bad you cant come then farewwell  
TA: a22hole waiit.  
TA: ii cant beliieve iim doiing thii2 ugh when are you goiing?  
CA: wwe still havvent discussed the matter   
CA: havve a good day bye  
TA: OH MY GOD WIILL YOU 2TOP TRYIING TWO END THII2 2TUPIID A2 FUCK CONVER2ATIION  
CA: are you comin or wwhat sol  
TA: II DONT KNOW YET.  
TA: have you or havent you deciided when youre goiing 2wiimmiing?   
TA: and be 2ure two read that iin an annoyed tone a2 obnoxiiou2 a2 iif iit wa2 all completely typed iin cap2.  
TA: becau2e iim feeliing at lea2t twiice more annoyed than that.  
CA: cod sol youre so predictable  
TA: god and youre 2o annoyiingly PATHETIIC and you cant even hiide 2hiit.  
TA: youre eiither very bad at thii2 or you WANT me two know you dont want me there ugh.  
TA: ju2t an2wer my fuckiing que2tiion2.  
CA: wwas it me or did you let part a some black feelins for me there showw  
TA: iim goiing two jump out of thii2 wiindow.  
CA: oh sol youre adorable tryin to hit on me i wwasnt evven expectin that to be honest  
CA: youre the last troll id evver think wwould make a movve on me actually  
CA: wwe in reality havve agreed on a time and location wway before she thought askin you wwould be a good fuckin idea  
TA: god when?  
CA: later today right after dusk  
TA: that wiill be iin le22 than an hour.  
TA: when diid 2he even thiink about me goiing?  
CA: wwhat does it matter are you evven comin anywway  
TA: an2wer me douchefii2h.  
CA: glub a wwhile ago wwhen wwe made the arrangements for this majestical piece a evvenin  
CA: and im not followwin your commands im wwillin to comply so i dont havve to participate in this horrid discourse any longer  
TA: yeah ii can 2ee that uh huh who care2.  
TA: youre 2o full of 2hiit. ii know thii2 wa2 planned way back and you ju2t gave me the notiice now. what a major 2ack of bodiily excreta.  
TA: priince of douchery that2 you.  
CA: you cant say thats not flatterin i knoww youre shamlessly black for me sol  
TA: ii want two kiill you iin 2o many way2 iit2 downriight iimagiinable at thii2 poiint really.  
CA: sol please this is gettin ridiculous  
TA: do you have an addre22 for thii2 2tupiid rendevouz?  
CA: its kinda far she told me to tell you to showw up in her hivve if youre goin  
CA: are you noww  
TA: maybe.  
TA: iit depend2 on who el2e ii2 goiing.  
TA: ... that wa2 a que2tiion.  
CA: i dont knoww wwhos goin  
TA: ye2 you do fii2h2tiick2.  
CA: methinks the three a us only i havvent invvited any troll else  
CA: possibly neither has she  
CA: it wwas supposed to be just the twwo a us but for some sordid reason her thinkpan bleww up an her wwords could only bolt out proofs a mind retardation such as your glubbin name all a sudden  
TA: thii2 ii2 goiing two 2uck 2o much a22.   
TA: the putriid 2mell of a22 2uckiing ii2 iineviitable by now.   
TA: anyone can 2mell iit from far iin the dii2tance.  
TA: iim only goiing becau2e youre 2o fuckiing jealou2 iid be the biigge2t moron two let thii2 chance of 2elf-e2teem degradatiion 2liip pa2t.  
TA: and iim not talkiing about the 2tultiifiicatiion of my per2on thii2 tiime.  
CA: are you sure youd like accompanyin us it really wwill suck for you though just lettin you knoww  
TA: you can count my grey a22 iin fii2h priince.  
CA: ugh but sol  
CA: sol itll be no fun for you only arduous wwork among the high classes is this wwhy youre evven comin  
CA: to be near the high classes ivve figured you out wwait until fef knowws about this  
TA: je2u2 nobody giive2 a fliippiing 2HIIT about the hemo2pectrum.  
TA: waiit untiil ff 2corn2 you 2o beautiifully youll be cryiing for 2weep2 two come.  
TA: actually you 2hould tell her iin per2on ii need two 2ee thii2.  
CA: come on sol wwhy are you evven comin theres nothin for you there im serious youll be bored in twwo seconds dont evven bother taggin along ok its not wworth the trouble i mean it  
TA: je2u2 why ii2 thii2 2hiit 2o iimportant two you?  
CA: no reason its just that i wwas thinkin in inquirin about a feww things no big deal  
CA: maybe talk about her glubbin quadrants or topics a the sort wwho knowws  
TA: god youre pathetiic.  
TA: havent you gotten iit yet? 2HE2 NOT IINTERE2TED.  
TA: iim even goiing two type iit down a 2econd tiime wiithout my quiirk ju2t two make 2ure you get iit.  
TA: FEFERI IS NOT INTERESTED IN YOU.  
CA: you dont knoww she might secretly be but nevver told anyone because shes scared a confusin me an the sorts  
CA: maybe she came to her senses lately theres no wway a knowwin wwithout askin sol  
TA: dont you thiink 2hed have told you iif 2he were by now? ii mean iit2 obviious youre 2tiill head over giill2 for her and iif 2he wanted your con2ent 2hed know 2hed have iit pronto.  
CA: maybe she thought i didnt fancy her no more  
CA: and dont pretend i didnt see that cagey fish pun there  
TA: youre riidiiculou2.  
TA: iif you a2k her youre gonna make thiing2 wor2e for both of you. 2he2 goiing two feel awkward toward2 you agaiin and youll be broken fuckiing hearted agaiin. youre ju2t goiing two put your2elf over thii2 wrecked 2hiit all over agaiin.  
TA: iif that2 what you want then youre a godfor2aken iidiiot.  
CA: then wwhats your fuckin advvice for me here sol im runnin outta options faster than a clandestine wwarship alone stands tall an proud before the enemys armada surroundin it all around the compass  
TA: unece22ary 2aiilor 2hiit a2iide, leave her the fuck alone.  
CA: i got that noww wwhat  
TA: ii dont care what youre goiing two do wiith your 2tupiid unfulfiilled quadrant2 god what gave you the wrong iimpre22iion? ii hope you diidnt take my concern for ff a2 actual concern for YOU.  
TA: the thought alone make2 me gag j2yk.  
CA: fuck you sol wwe had this thing goin on just noww you cant just kill it coldyellowwbloodedly like that  
TA: there never wa2, and never wiill be, a thiing what2oever between u2.  
TA: ever.  
TA: ju2t two make iit clear.  
CA: you cant just hit on a guy wwith vvery caliginous intentions may i add and then swwitch it to pale flirter outta nowwere an then back i think an wwant him to pass it up just like that  
TA: oh my god.  
TA: where diid you even get all that 2tuff from.  
CA: youre sendin mixed signals ovver here sol its confusin  
TA: oh my god youre 2o pathetiically 2ad ii ju2t feel liike cryiing by knowiing you at all.  
CA: im not goin  
TA: what?  
CA: i mean im not goin swwimmin wwith fef later  
TA: that2 good. 2tay iin2iide and enjoy your 2hiip wreck of a hiive. no one of iimportance wiill be able two get hurt wiith your mii2chiieve2 then.  
TA: tell her youre not goiing anemonemore.   
CA: youre not the captn a me sol stop tryin to command me on doin things but i wwould talk to her anywway  
CA: wwere actually currently engaged in convversation  
TA: what diid 2he 2ay?  
CA: this is none a your fuckin business sol  
TA: je2u2 what2 the problem on 2hariing iinformatiion? 2top beiing 2o 2hellfii2h.  
CA: stop wwith the fish puns sol thats not howw it wworks you cant use them landscum  
TA: ye2 ii can. ff granted me the riight2 two 2o 2uck iit fii2h harriidan.  
CA: youre more of a harridan than i am though an thats fuckin disgustin a her i cannot believve fef wwould do somethin like that  
CA: youre just shittin me is a wway you THINK you found to annoy me you bastard earth eater  
CA: wwell guess wwhat its not wworkin  
TA: wow ii am 2O dii2appoiinted wiith my2elf.  
TA: ii had put 2O MUCH dediicatiion iin thii2 briilliiant plan you 2iimply have no iidea.  
TA: ii gue22 it2 not 2o briilliiant anymore huh.  
TA: you cant tell but iim hone2t two jegu2 2obbiing over here.  
CA: oh fuck you sol   
TA: what ii2 2he telliing you anyway?  
CA: fuck wwait  
CA: youre not goin either are you  
TA: ii have already told you II AM and iit wa2nt two long ago.  
CA: but you wwere only goin because a me and noww theres no reason for you to go anymore  
TA: ye2 there ii2 fii2h gut2.  
CA: oh fuck  
CA: oh my cod fuck  
CA: i cannot believve you sol cod fuck you   
CA: fuck you sol fuck you so hard   
TA: hahahahalskdjfksdjf  
TA: ii can 2carcely contaiin my2elf oh my fuckiing je2u2.  
TA: ii bet your face ii2 glubbiing priicele22 riight now.  
CA: i cant believve you made me break the arrangement wwith fef cod youre the wworlds filthiest scum congratu fuckin lations sol shes fuckin sad noww  
CA: go on havve fun in your date GLUB  
TA: HAHAHAHJSHDJKAHFKDSFSHKFNDSFHKSHFDDJKS  
CA: filthiest piece a scum ivve evver had the displeasure to meet GLUB  
TA: oh my fuckiing god youre goiing two kiill me iif you keep thii2 up iim 2eriiou2.  
CA: GLUB  
TA: but yeah anyway what2 2he 2ayiing?  
CA: glub glub  
TA: hey 2top glubbiing at me liike that. iit2 not liike ii planned thii2 or anythiing.  
TA: whiich ii kiinda diid but not thii2 great wow iit worked out better than expected actually. iim really amu2ed riight now.  
CA: fuck you  
TA: 2o you really arent goiing two tell me then.  
TA: under2tandable.  
CA: i hate you so fuckin much i cannot evven reply to her right  
CA: cod howw can you evven be this COWWARDLY  
CA: cant take a competition noww can you son of a land wwhore  
TA: what you thiink thii2 ii2 a competiitiion? hahaha je2u2 you really are 2tupiid.  
TA: look iim not goiing anymore okay? jeez relax. ii wa2 never actually goiing anyway.  
CA: WWHAT  
CA: you havve to go sol shell be so disappointed wwith us glub glub glubbbb  
TA: wa2 that fii2h pun uniintentiional?  
CA: sol please  
CA: shes already really fuckin upset im standin her up in OUR appointment but at least shes gotta havve somebody there wwith her  
CA: and shes expectin you  
CA: therefore youre goin you backstabbin filthy wworthless unmannered insultin deceitful treacherous untrustwworthy earthbender loww fuckin blood  
TA: are tho2e all the adjectiive2 you know? not really iimpre22iive. ii actually expected more from you.  
CA: GLUB FUCK  
CA: fuck you glub glub fuck  
TA: ii bet youre horny riight now.  
CA: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHAT  
TA: how do you even pronounce that?   
TA: iim tryiing thii2 2hiit outloud and iit2 hiilariiou2. iim even iimiitatiing your voiice and all hahaha 2hiit.  
CA: WWHERE DID THAT EVVEN COME FROM  
CA: sol are you bein a deceivvable bulgehead again  
CA: COD WWE NEED TO QUARREL  
CA: RIGHT  
CA: NOWW  
CA: or im honest to GLUB goin to shred this fuckin computer to pieces  
CA: SOL ARE YOU THERE  
TA: hahaha ye2 ii am.  
TA: do you have any iidea how amu2iing you are? ii mean hone2tly hahaha.  
TA: god ii dii2pii2e you 2o much ii would fiix your entiire fuckiing grubtop back two normal and even make iit better ju2t two iin2tall a viiru2 iin iit afterward2.  
TA: a viiru2 iin whiich iitd prevent you from knowiing when ff ii2 onliine and al2o prevent you from talkiing two her ju2t iin ca2e.  
TA: and whenever you turned iit on iitd open a conver2atiion wiindow wiith vrii2ka and equiiu2 hehehe.  
TA: and duriing the niight2 iitd run background program2 wiithout you knowiing and later on iit would briing all your preciiou2 fiile2 two nothiing but 2ad memoriie2 iin your miind.  
CA: you are so black for me  
CA: and IM the one wwho cant hide it psh  
TA: youre pathetiic. have ii told you how riidiiculou2 you are? god iit2 heartbreakiing really.  
CA: are you properly dressed   
TA: 2udden change of topiic2 thank you.  
TA: what for?  
CA: your fuckin date  
TA: let2 ju2t fuckiing re2chedule JE2U2 CHRII2T.  
CA: fine wwhatevver  
CA: sol  
TA: are you 2tiill pii22ed? becau2e youre funny when youre pii22ed.  
TA: otherwii2e youre ju2t a moody boriing teenager nobody want2 two deal wiith.  
CA: nine is hardly a teenager anymore  
CA: an im not pissed i just hate you sol listen  
TA: youre niine already.  
CA: fefs upset its all your fault  
TA: oh my god 2he2 goiing two be JU2T FIINE.  
TA: iit2 not liike 2he care2 that much anyway.  
TA: ii wa2 ju2t talkiing two her and 2he 2eem2 pretty fiine two me.  
CA: oh you dont knoww jack do you  
CA: you OBVVIOUSLY cant tell wwhen shes fine an wwhen shes got the largest number a debris lying on the bottom a her chest wwhere her royal heart should be  
TA: god youre 2o dramatiic ii could punch you riight now and never regret iit.  
TA: ii dont thiink iid ever regret punchiing you but that2 be2iide the poiint.  
CA: ok sol this is startin to be infuriatin and its confusin the fuck outta me  
CA: are you or arent you flirtin wwith me  
CA: i wwas tryin to ignore it but its just disconcertin an i havve to knoww  
CA: evven if youre not just tell me cause ivve been takin it all as if you wwere an its been wworth the wwhile but i havve to knoww  
TA: je2u2 fuckiing chrii2t iim rolliing my eye2 at you.  
TA: you wouldnt know not even iif you were here 2o iim telliing you anyway.  
TA: ii wa2 talkiing about my eye2 and the act of rolliing them at you iin a dii2approviing manner by the way.  
CA: sol  
TA: look ed you even have a cognomen.  
TA: iif that doe2nt clear up your fii2h 2en2e2 iim goiing two gnaw at my arm2 untiill theyre ju2t numb liimb2 lyiing around and not part of me anymore.  
CA: fins and anemonemore  
CA: i hate you too sol   
TA: 2o your braiin ii2nt proportiioned two fii2he2 afterall.  
TA: iim actually iimpre22ed.  
TA: iim leaviing anyway. ii have a date two go two and a giirl two cheer up hehehe.   
CA: wwhAT   
TA: later ed. <3<

\--twinArmaggedons [TA] ceased pestering caligolasAquarium [CA]--


End file.
